December 12 – Body Integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?
This is going to sound pitiful without a doubt, but I don’t know if there has ever been a time in my life when I felt the most integrated with my body. This is mostly because I have always seemed to be in a constant war with my body or hating it or treating it fairly poorly. I’ve always seemed to act as if my mind is separate from my body; that my body acts deliberately against the wishes of my mind, constantly disappointing me. Being biracial, I’ve also always felt that I straddle this invisible, racial and cultural dichotomy. In my mind I am neither black nor white, I am just me. My body, though, covered with this ethnically ambiguous skin tone, says something entirely different to the rest of the world. I am Puerto Rican, Latina, Middle Eastern, Italian, Egyptian, Portuguese depending on how someone else tries to stuff me into their little box of understanding. I’ve longed for this feeling of integration. I watch dancers or experience yoga practitioners and wish that I could move with such ease and grace and purpose without thinking. I’d at least like to feel some sort of comfort in my own skin. 2011 will be an exercise in working on a better mind-body connection and being more grateful for this vessel that I am privileged to inhabit.